Once again I went on a little break from blogging....seems to be a little routine I go through. It definitely ties in with coping with the disease. Some days its easy to write about it and others not so much. Sometimes I think about what I am comfortable sharing and what maybe I shouldn't. And yes, there are some days I just want to cry and write very explicit things about how much I hate this disease but I try and take deep breaths to work through it (so, maybe the deep breaths can lasts for days, weeks, months...).

It was so much easier coping in the first years because the progression was so much slower and the changes weren't so dramatic. Now, it feels as if each day brings a new saddening decreased function/ability. The speed of the disease is becoming more and more rapid or it at least feels that way. The good moments still exist in their own little ways. Yesterday I was sitting in the car and Mother kept trying to go into Kendra's car even though she was supposed to come into my car. I called for her and started to get up when she finally started walking toward me. Moments later Mother was trying to sit on top of me in the driver's seat. It was actually quite comical because I could see her thinking like ahhh, wait, this isn't right. I gently reminded her that she had to go on the other side and everything seemed to easily click for her. There are those times where it doesn't click for her and she gets agitated. They can be quite interesting. In case you were wondering what Mother has been upto here's a picture.

Another Trip to the Develin/Benson Condo....

I forgot to blog the other day about our fun times with mother when she comes to our condo! Mother is usually either excited to come to our condo or she hates it and gives the girls a hard time. Recently we had mother come over on a Saturday and stay with us. She was excited to come hang out and told us she loved it there! I knew we would have a good night!

I had some of my family coming in for the Eagles game the next day so I wanted to make sure I had any cleaning/cooking done before mother came on Saturday night so we could hang out all night. I think the last time mother came over I was running around doing laundry and cleaning and straightening up she did not like it. I think it made her uncomfortable seeing me run all over and could not help.

This time was different as soon as mother arrived we walked her in to sit on the couch. I told her I missed her and asked how she was was, which is always "I am good" or "Okay". I had my computer open and there was a picture of my nieces and nephew. My sister had triplets in June so usually mother will ask how the "babies" are. Now it gets confusing because I don't know if she is referring to my sisters kids, Erik and Nancy's kids or the dog and cat. I knew though seeing the picture sparked the question about my sisters kids. I told her they were doing well and told her different things they were doing and showed her some more photos. At one point she leaned over me and said "Goochie Goochie Goo" and pointed to rub their faces on the computer screen. Josh was in the kitchen and looked at me with a look like "Did that just happen". I looked at mother and she leaned back and told me they were cute in her way.

I then like to ask mother whats going on in her life. I usually ask how the dog is doing and the cat. She loves talking about them and telling me they are crazy and best friends. She tells me how she holds the cat and pets it. After all these 2 are also her babies.

We then were watching TV just hanging out and mother just starts mumbling and laughing... about what I have no idea so I asked her and still to this day I have no clue.... I figured whatever she is happy and having fun....

I think it was sometime around 9:30pm when mother looked at me and said "Are we going to bed" I laughed and said "Bed? Its Saturday night" hahah.... she then laughed too.... moments later she asked again. I figured okay she is tired so I went and got a shower and Josh laid her down on the couch and tucked her in.

Josh being the gamer he is went back to playing his video games and let mother lay on the couch and watch TV. She seemed content. I came out and joined her on the couch and we just continued to watch TV/Movies. I finally got tired and decided to go to bed. Josh said he was going to stay and sleep with mother on the couch I said okay and off to bed I went.

I woke up the next morning to Josh and mother up at like 7am or 8am... I was like what the hell... hahah.... way to early for me! I guess Josh was up till 4am playing video games while mother watched TV.... I wonder is mother even went to bed with all that commotion going on.

Josh dropped mother back off at the ATG house in the morning and came home... we heard from the girls that afternoon and they said "what did you do to mother? She has been sleeping all day. She barely gets up for food."

I knew right then and there that mother must have been up all night with the TV going, Josh yelling at his video game all night and then the heavy snoring Josh does after he drinks/games for 8 hours..... poor mother..... 

Pleasant surprises

I woke up and came upstairs and Kendra and Mother were on the couch watching tv but I certainly wasn't expecting this cute image:

It was so great because  he just went there by himself. Normally, we have to get him in his comfortable dreaming state before getting him to cuddle with Mother but not this time!!

Mother is always concerned with her "baby" so it's cute to see her caring for him like she was in this picture. The next day the kitty was cuddling with Melanie and Mother was jealous so we gave her some baby time.

Go Meredith!

 Growing up Melanie and I played sports all year long and even though Mom worked night shift she came to a lot of our games. She never was much of  cheerer but just seeing her there was always nice. Recently, Melanie and I started playing for a slow-pitch co-ed softball team and since Mother is with us, we bring her to our games. I was a little nervous about it but was completely shocked when I saw how much Mother loved being there. She even cheers every once in awhile. We have tie dye blue shirts and Mother wouldn't stop talking about them and saying, "where's mine?" so we got one for her and as soon as she sees that blue color she always wants to wear hers.

Sometimes, she gets a little anxious and plays the 'up down' game on the bench but it's so relaxed there that we are usually right next to her. She's even made some friends. It's not like you can look at my Mom and be like oh yeah, she has dementia but I guess through the grapevine or just through observation some of the fellow fans adopted Mother into their little group. Last game Mother was with them the whole time; I have no idea what they were talking about but hey, she was enjoying herself. You never really know what she is going to say or if it will make sense. Our pitcher came up to us and was like, "Can your Mother have a chocolate cookie?" and of course we said yes. Mother has been talking about it for days now.

Mother has gotten into the routine of going to our games because we have a double header on Mondays and one game on Wednesday, so, we get to hear, "when do we go?" When we tell her it's game day she will ask us about going for hours beforehand. It's so cute how excited she is to go to the games.

Tell me what you really think?

I'm not sure if it's a blessing or not but Mother is very blunt and will tell you something mean even if she doesn't mean it. I'm just glad most of the time we know what she is saying or trying to say and the other people around don't. I got my hair cut yesterday and of course Mother hates it. She looked at me and said, "Ew, your hair." Hey, at least she is talking to me and she noticed that something had changed. We usually try and tell Mother it's not nice to say things like that but she normally responds with "Shut up, bitch." At that point, we just laugh and so she laughs. Laughter is contagious even with dementia!

Log Rolling

Kendra is an RN so she always has great tips for us when we are not sure how to deal with Mother. Mother is losing her ability to do even routine things like lay in the bed. She will sit on the bed and clearly want to go to bed but sometimes she just won't lay down. We like to handle this issue by 'log rolling' Mother. It might sound a bit harsh or even weird but it is a great technqiue to get her in the bed. Once performed you simply tuck her in real tight, say "I love you", and keep the light on for her. It works well but she definitely will end up getting out during the night and venturing from her room to Melanie's room, Kendra's room or even my room. She doesn't usually go down to my room if she was up in her room because it's two full flights of steps so she wouldn't get to my room until 3 days later. Oh yeah, Mother does not like log rolling but she really doesn't like much these days besides food. Everyone's trying to kill her...She often will make funny noises and moans when we help her into bed and say "you're trying to kill me." Sometimes, you can get her to laugh about it and she quietly settles in. And by sometimes I mean not too often.

For all caregivers and loved ones coping with the disease or similar ones

 "When I spill something on my nice clean dress or maybe forget to tie my shoe please be patient and perhaps reminisce about the many hours I spent with you.  When I taught you how to eat with care, plus tying laces and your numbers, too.  Dressing yourself and combing your hair, those were precious hours spent with you.  So when I forget what I was about to say, just give me a minute - or maybe two.  It probably wasn't important anyway, and I would much rather listen just to you.  If I tell the story one more time, and you know the ending through and through, please remember your first nursery rhyme when I rehearsed it a hundred times with you.  When my legs are tired and its hard to stand or walk the steady pace that I would like to, please take me carefully by the hand, and guide me now as I so often did for you," - Danielle Hollister 
(Thanks Trisha for sending me this)



Blessed are they who understand
My faltering steps and palsied hand,
Blessed are they who know my ears today
Must strain to catch the words they say.
Blessed are they who seem that my eyes
Are dim and my wits are slow.
Blesses are they who look away when coffee
Spilled on the table today.
Blessed are they with a cherry smile
Who stop to chat for a little while.
Blessed are they who never say,
"You've told that story twice today."
Blessed are they who know the ways to
Bring back yesterdays.
Blessed are they who make it known
That I'm loved, respected and not alone.
Blessed are they who know I'm at a loss To find the strength to carry my cross.
Blessed are they who ease the days On my journey Home in loving ways.
~~ Author Unknown ~~