Keeping it together

Even though it's hard to deal with, it's more important to keep it together for Mother's sake. When she is upset or crying it's so difficult to not cry or dwell on the issue because even though it's about her, we are affected too. There's time and a place for me to deal with the disease but when Mother is upset it is necessary to remember she is hurting, too. She cries more, is confused more, and becomes less and less dependent each day. I never imagined picking out diapers for my Mother nor did I think that making it fun for her would make her day. Life is strange.

Days and nights get more and more difficult. Today, when Mother started crying and talking about her thoughts (hallucinations) it was really hard to stay calm myself, let alone calm her down. She kept talking about my father and her father. Neither of which led to a happy ending. My Dad and Mom have been divorced since I was 10, but, things are cordial between them. She gets upset about him sometimes; I usually just try to distract her with something else but tonight was hopeless. After that, she wanted to talk about her Father. She said he was here and telling her he wasn't just made her cry and say, "I know, I know." Needless to say these last 36 hours have been quite interesting and stressful. I know by keeping her safe and reassuring her that all is okay what really matters. She is now watching her favorite Phillies and mumbling about the Fathers...let's go Ativan.