Shh...don't wake the dragon!

When we were younger we used to play a game called, "Don't wake the dragon" which involved trying to steal pillows from a 'sleeping dragon' (dragon being one of us kids or now Mother). Don't be silly. We are not stealing pillows from Mother but whenever she is sleeping we are constantly saying, "shh..don't wake the dragon" because to be honest she's quite peaceful sleeping.

Last night when I got home from work I opened the door and Melanie put up her finger to her mouth so that I'd be quite. I thought it was because Mother was sleeping which she was but surprised to see this beautiful moment:

Whoopsie, I woke the dragon! 

Irene?

Mother went with us grocery shopping to prepare for Hurricane Irene and she even made us watch the news last night but this morning I was putting stuff away and I asked Mother what she thought of Hurricane Irene and she said, "Irene? Irene who?" After that she just nodded off and went back to her happy place. I went upstairs and walk by the bathroom and hear "RAWRRRRR" and look over and Mother is on the pot growling or something. As we speak she has just taken off her shirt and now is dancing around topless. That's my girl!

The comedian within.

A normal day with Mother starts in the wee hours when Mother gets up and asks what's she is supposed to do. It was around 6am when she came in and I she didn't even have a chance to finish before I said."It's not time yet, lay on the bed and go back to sleep." She promptly rolled into bed, looked out the window, and went to bed. I was a little weary of how Mother was feeling today but was pleasantly shocked with her spirits today.

We were watching tv together when she looked at me and said, "Do you want a drink?" This, of course, delighted me! An entire sentence, wow, that's my girl. She actually meant to ask me for a drink for herself but, a sentence is a sentence! I walked into the kitchen and grabbed her a drink and loosen up the cap for her so she could take it off and she turns away exclaiming, "I want to die." I waited to see what happened next because sometimes you just have to ignore it. She walked over to the kitchen, picked up two oatmeal cream pies, turned giggled and asked me if I wanted one. Every since this moment Mother has been hilarious and oh, so cute. She was dancing to my music, making fun of us, and laughing so hard she was almost crying.

I wonder what the rest of the day will bring?

Hello?

Just like any other Benson if you are going to do something you do it right! Mother really emphasizes her 'hello.' We were in the car and she looked down at the purse and just kept shouting hello into the purse or wherever. She said it a few times and then just returned to staring out the window. Its more like a bellow while saying hello. When the girls went hiking with her she was in the middle of the woods (don't worry Melanie and Kendra were near her) shouting hello at the people, who don't actually exist. Actually, her meow and her hello sound very similar. You can't do anything but laugh when she starts doing either.

Miss Universe

Another side of Mother is that sometimes when the "people" aren't out she likes waving and talking to everyone. We will be in the car and she will wave at random people and say hello. She is so nice but sometimes she does it and thinks she knows the person and gets mad when they don't greet her first. She is like the dementia ambassador of the universe; she waves at everyone and wants them to know she's still beautiful even if the disease isn't!

Jedi Mind Tricking Dementia

Everyday is a surprise with dementia but it actually seems that we can handle anything that comes our way. We have this uncanny ability to "jedi mind trick" Mother out of her crazy thoughts, sadness, or whatever the day brings. You can start to see her frown coming from a mile away. It is seriously the biggest frown I've ever seen. As soon as we see this coming we know she's ready to "go home", wants to see her Mom, or wants to talk about her dead Father. At this point you can't really do much but distract her and make her think about something else. I used to be really bad at it due to the fact that I was wearing my sensitive pants but now we've all perfected it.

As the frown comes we try many different tactics to get her thinking about something else. Sarcasm and laughter works really well with her. She still laughs at things so we take advantage of that. She loves Ellen and comedy shows. She'll laugh every once in awhile at the shows. I'm actually not sure if she really is watching the tv because the blank stare makes me wonder. Anyways, the trick is to make her laugh. Once this laugh comes she forgets about her death wishes or whatever for just a few minutes! Most often this is repeated until she really forgets or is distracted by something else. We will take her for walks to the veggie garden or look for the kitten together. She loves meowing. You can't beat dementia but you can Jedi Mind trick it!

Anne Part 2- Josh and Karen's

Well after reading the post below and talking to Mer and Mel when they came to pick up Mother, it's no surprise she did not want to come over right away. We have had this problem before but I know when she sees Josh her face just lights up with joy to see her baby boy!

We had a good experience with mother tonight. Josh and I have a hummingbird feeder and have been trying to catch seeing hummingbirds feeding out of it. It just so happens Josh saw one and noticed the feeder was low and I had just filled it 2 weeks ago. I opened the curtain and waited and don't you know we saw 2 hummingbirds about 10 times each. They are obsessed with our feeder. Mother and I kept watching the birds come back and forth it was fun. She liked seeing them float in the air.

I would like to say mother started to want snacks but I would be lying. I decided I wanted some Doritos my fav and brought out some cookies for mother cause I know she likes them. Well as I was eating she got very comfy on the couch and was not moving for anything not even a cookie. Eventually she decided she wanted some and as she went to grab a cookie she went "moooooo". Now I don't know if you have ever heard the Benson Bachelorettes do this but basically when you know you should not be eating something and you do it anyway, this is cause for a "moo". I looked at mother and said did you just "moo" at yourself? Her response a big smile and giggle.

It's nice to know mother feels okay staying with Josh and I at our place. I think some basic reasons would be 1. we have AC, 2. we feed her pepsi. 3. We always have a spread of junk food for her. and 4. there are no "people" just one "woman" out the window.... I am not sure who this woman is but she is outside our window according to mother.

All and all this was a "good" mother visit and she was not concerned with the people and it seemed she felt relaxed. We all hung out and watched NCIS, ate snacks, eventually ate dinner and watched some hummingbirds until Mel and Mer came to get her. As soon as they showed up mother knew it was time to go after repeatably asking she got up and said she was leaving waved goodbye and then teared up at that of leaving us.....lol jk..... she teared up because she wanted to leave so bad! Ha... we don't take it personal who would want to stay with weird Josh pelvic thrusting and talking about beating boxes all night..... HAHAHAHAHA 

Anne

Josh and Karen wanted to hang out with Mother today so when we got up this morning we told Mother that she was going to go over. She was not pleased at all. Melanie called me downstairs because Mother was crying because she didn't want to go. Kendra came down too and does a better job at directing Mother than I do. Once again with our nicknames, we tend to go Anne, what's wrong?  We knew if he came over she'd be all happy so we just comforted her and gave her some of her special snacks, hehe. She was worried and upset about it for about an hour until Josh came over and she smiled so big we he came in. She forgot everything and was ready to go hang out. She did ask several times when she'd be back but she seemed very happy. We got her ready and dressed up to go out and have a good time. She left happy. We will see how she does.

We keep asking her if she wants to go hiking again (She went on Wednesday with Melanie and Kendra) and she keeps rolling her eyes, saying it was so big, and that she doesn't want to do it again but giggles at the same time.

Mother's baby

Mother woke up early again,which is not a surprise considering she wakes up about 5 times during the night/morning and then will wake up during the morning and try and nap on the couch all day. Obviously, it is a mixture between the disease, the anti-psychotics and the sedatives. We often sing, "I want to be sedated" because Mother needs to be sedated a lot. Not only do we have to give her anti-psychotics in the morning but we have to triple it in the evening and sometimes that doesn't even help. Those damn "people" are everywhere. They want to kick us out of our house, they don't like Mother, and they rule Mother's world. Good thing we are fluent in dementia. We can help her through dealing with the "people."

When I slept with Mother the other night she kept waking up and talking nonsense but in between that she would  bring over the kitten. It really would have not meant too much to me but the other morning she woke up and wouldn't lay back down; I couldn't figure out why until I stepped closer and saw that she had tucked in the kitty to her bed. 

Tonight when Mother and the girls got home Mother was soon reunited with her kitty.

Fluent Dementia

Kendra and Mother came to visit me at work; they didn't actually visit for more than five minutes but I made sure to visit Mother to make sure she was okay. I went outside to see how she was and she asked me if I worked today and I told her that I was at work and she asked how long and I told her I'd be home in a few hours. I didn't put anything in quotes because she doesn't normally speak sentences nor coherent phrases but at this point the "Benson Bachelorette's" are completely fluent in dementia. We know exactly which Meredith she is talking about (it could be anyone of us) and we usually know what baby she is talking about, which includes dogs, cats, grandbabies, and any other children/infants.

Badasses wear their sunglasses at night, right?

Mother always loved Avon and Kendra surprised her with some Avon stuff a few weeks ago including her sunglasses. She loves them. She'd keep them on her head all day if we didn't do something about it. Kendra took this picture of Mother tonight when they were out grocery shopping. She was very tired tonight because she didn't get her nap in today!

Cussing out the radio.

There are definitely times when I get upset and angry with the disease and somehow I always manage to make myself laugh in the end (sometimes it takes hours or more). I was driving in my car to get some snack for Mother and I was really upset so it was a good time to just have some me time. Also, I needed to get snacks that we could better hide her pills in. I just got  up the road and Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" came on which I normally love, not today. The first thing I heard when I turned the station to this song was "Mama...." Just hearing Mama was breaking my heart. Of course, I changed the station and what comes on? John Mayer's "Daughters." At that point, it didn't matter what song it was because I was going to somehow relate it to my Mom and continue to kind of release all of my emotions. Not only was a crying in the car but I was also cussing out the radio. The radio took it well and I felt a lot better afterwards. I laugh thinking about it now; I remember myself literally calling the radio a piece of shit and blaming it for everything.

It's going to be okay.

Mother likes to talk about dying a lot so it has become a normal part of our lives. There are different ways of dealing with it not from my perspective but from trying to help Mother feel better. Yesterday morning I went to use the ladies room and left the door open because Mother was in Melanie's room across from the bathroom. As I get ready to sit I see Mother start pulling down her pants getting ready to use the "toilet" which ironically is her spare bed in Melanie's room. My cat like reflexes took over and I was up saving the bed and landed Mother down on the actual toilet! After that Mother turned to me and said, "I want to die", I looked back at her and said, "You think you're special or something?" and she smiled and with that smile she forgot she wanted to die. Two close calls avoided.

Being able to remember Mom

For awhile there I kept forgetting who my Mom was and it was making me really sad but the other day I thought of some of the moments I've had with Mom and just smiled. When I was young I would always stay up late on the couch so I could stay with Mom as long as possible. Usually, I fell  asleep on the couch and she brought me to bed. After all these years we are still doing that together, except she is the one falling asleep and I am (or my sisters are) taking her up to bed. Don't worry, we aren't slingy her over our shoulders and carrying her to her room. We wake her up and walk her to her bed and tuck her in. To be honest, she has stayed in Melanie's room a lot recently. She is more comfortable there and it helps to have a close eye on her (Her room is right next to Melanie's so either way she is always very close).

Play-by-play

 When I got home tonight Mother smiled at me again but didn't go for the hug. I sit on the couch opposite of her couch. It is definitely her couch; she likes sitting in the same spot and she usually only changes seats if Max is in hers or if she gets lost. She really doesn't get lost but she gets up and just kind of goes blank and switches seats. Sometimes she will go to the kitchen or look out the windows and then sit if a different seat. After a a little bit she usually returns to her seat. Well, anyway, back to the rest of the story. This is a play-by-play of about 15 minutes of interaction with Mother.

I said, "Hey Mom, hows it going?" and she said, "I was crying today because of all the people. Now, she is talking about something being horrible and the girls being okay. I have no idea what she is talking about. It's hard to distringuish between mumbles and half words, and actual events and imagined events.She was quiet for exactly 3 minutes and said. "I was crying today...." 2 minutes later she is now concerned about the baby (the kitten) and she meowed twice and asked Max if he knew where she was. 1 minute later she said, "I want to be dead. When am I going to be going? 3 minutes later she is asking about a pink piece of paper that she saw. 2 minutes later she  meowed twice and said, "I don't Max, where are they?"

Melanie brought the cat in for her so right now she is content watching the Phillies. She loves the Phillies. She does also continue to periodically meow at the kitten.

My babies..

My babies, hmm..., can you guess who Mother is talking about? This time it was her grandbabies Julia and Lily. Things are getting worse obviously and Mother has been having a lot more episodes, well to be honest the episodes aren't really episodes anymore; they are just Mother. The episodes are the good moments. Just a little change in perspective. I used to dread the episodes but now that I think of the episodes as a her good moments, I look forward to her episodes.

Mother was up really early this morning and being a little anxious and unsettled so I gave her some special coffee (she refuses to take her medicine anymore so we have to crush the pills up and stick them  different things like her snacks). She was drinking her coffee and looking outside to make sure the girls outside were okay so I ran upstairs to get ready for work. All of the sudden I hear Mother say, "awwwwwww, when did this happen?" and I said, "what?" and went down to check on her and she was looking and pointing to the picture Melanie hung up of Erik, Nancy, Julia, and Lily. I told her that I got them yesterday and she smiled  and just said "my babies" 

‎"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a

person with a certain set of attitudes."

Hugh Downs 

I finally got what I wanted!

 Mother has obviously been getting worse as time goes on. Some people like ignore what dementia really is...it doesn't get better. The other day I went to go get Mother from her spare bedroom so we could have brunch and as I turned the corner she was there walking towards me. I was so excited that I exclaimed, "Mother, I was just coming for you" and the most amazing thing happened; Mother opened up her arms for a hug and smiled. I thought I was going to knock her over I was so excited for this hug. Melanie had just returned from the grocery store with her hands full and wanted me to open the door for her but all I could think was back up, bitch, I'm getting a hug, haha. I did let her in and did get my hug, too. Days later I still keep thinking of that hug and her smiling face!