Changes

Well, it's clearly been a long time since I've last posted but it's never too late to start up again. There have been a lot of changes since my last post. Of course Mother has changed a lot. Things just get worse with dementia. Once you hit a "terrible" moment in the disease it is soon made into a normality until a much worse moment happens. Welp, we were well aware that it was beginning to be very hard for us to continue taking care of Mother so we started looking into nursing homes almost a year ago. It certainly wasn't an easy task to do. After looking at many different homes we found the perfect home for our special lady. After going through the process of getting her enrolled we were put on a waiting list. We were told that since we were caring for her by ourselves and full time that they were going to put us at the top of the list so we were full of all sorts of emotions. Sadness, joy, and guilt to name a few. Weeks turned into months and the emotions and feelings became empty. The waiting game was too much. It was too long so at that point I couldn't feel anything but frustration. The emotions that I has once felt about her leaving subsided. It didn't seem real until that Tuesday morning when I was at work and received the group text from Kendra to the siblings letting us know that they had a bed for Mom and she would be going to the nursing home on Monday. My heart sank. I immediately lost my breath and began to cry. I have no idea what emotions I had felt at that time. I was so sad and so happy. I was trembling and not sure what to do. I was I going to look at my Mommy when I went home to see her after work knowing what I knew? We certainly couldn't tell her. The next 6 days were very, very hard along with the two months leading up until now...